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Old 08-16-2009, 08:07 AM   #20
HarryT
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The punctuation needs some work. Comments in-line:

Quote:
A cool summer breeze drifts across the moonlit courtyard, [this is a break in the sentence - it should be a semi-colon, or even a full stop] he crosses the wide space heading for the darkened porch, pebbles crunching under foot. He pauses before the aging door. This place is eerie, not known to him before tonight, yet it feels oddly familiar and somewhat comforting. This is not the reason he pauses, as he has become used to oddly familiar. It is because he knows somehow in his heart that she will be waiting for him. He does not pause out of fear [need some punctuation here - a dash would be good] it is because he knows that he will leave the moment his eyes meet hers, whether that is his intention or not. Glancing at the reflection in the darkened glass, [get rid of the comma] that is not his own, he brushes off an almost imperceptible speck of dust from his shirt and turns the cold iron handle.
Correct punctuation is important - it defines the way the entire piece "reads".

I have no problem with the present tense for the "dream sequence" by the way; I think it works well.
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