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Old 03-11-2014, 03:55 PM   #103
arjaybe
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When My Father Died

v1.7

The first time you mention Mr Zant it's not clear that he's south-guy. Say his name the first time, and don't call him guy from South after that.

There are a few places where it's not clear who's speaking.

The scattered parts are getting stitched together. It's important that everything that gets mentioned in a story serves a vital purpose. Especially in a short story, there's no room for decoration. With a little more tightening and 'smoothening' I think you'll get there.
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