[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

Thank goodness we have Graham. Now I can just read his critiques and toss in a couple of tidbits.

You can say that again.

Spoiler:

Rather than pass out and wake up later, saved, Elani could muster one final burst of magic that helps Marlena defeat the lich, but doesn't save her.

This is a huge spoiler. If you don't want to spoil a large part of the new version, don't open this. It contains part of one of Graham's suggestions.

Spoiler:

Something like that will indeed happen now, but I will connect Elani's resolution of her crisis and the fact that clerical magic is given, not studied.

The relationship between Elani and Koryna is fine. I understand your portrayal of service and humility. I don't think you need conflict between them.

In the new version, they will still be very good friends, but Elani will:

Spoiler:

- Have a trait that ticks off Koryna to no end.
- Be a less powerful priestess than Koryna is. This will give Koryna some air of self-importance, bolstered by the fact that she is assistant, and Elani is not.

When I read it I thought the "nearly avoided" was a typo for "neatly avoided." That's what you really meant, right?-)

It was meant to say "barely." This typo was a guru meditation error, caused by leprecauns carrying my upload bits in the wrong order

Do you have any suggestions regarding the dialog? I think Graham already said everything else.