[mrmarlowe]

Originally Posted by Graham

It's definitely good that you've combined Mr Zant and the guy from the South, however, moving all of that into the opening of the story unbalances things a bit.

Spoiler:

The ending is better than it was, but can you tighten it up? By adding the additional detail it's lost some of the punch you had before.

Graham

Thank goodness you like the ending now. Tossing a few ideas about how to 'tighten it up' would be great.

(In general do you think the previous version was much better?)