Thread: looking for feedback on three novel blurbs
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Old 05-17-2013, 09:27 PM   #13
gmw
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I'm inclined to agree with this ^^^

A few things. This sentence "Her CEO father has made of sure of that" is redundant because "Her father has groomed her ..." tells us the same thing. Watch the excess "but"s, "now"s and "and"s, I think they are the bumps in the flow and indicate sentences that may need to be restructured.
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