MobileRead Forums - View Single Post - looking for feedback on three novel blurbs

ApK · 05-13-2013, 01:35 PM

I think #1 is needlessly wordy. For example, I don't care that the friend was from college or that Jamie has previous waitressing experience.

I like #2. I'd read that book.

I agree that #3 needs help. It reads like there was care in crafting the prose of the first paragraph, but then the payoff sentences were just rushed in at the last second. It reminds me of the reports I used to turn in in school, when I'd realize I hadn't written a closing paragraph just as the teacher was collecting the paper from the person right in front of me. "umm....And then she died. The end."

05-13-2013, 01:35 PM	#5
ApK Award-Winning Participant Posts: 7,318 Karma: 67930154 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ, USA Device: Kindle	I think #1 is needlessly wordy. For example, I don't care that the friend was from college or that Jamie has previous waitressing experience. I like #2. I'd read that book. I agree that #3 needs help. It reads like there was care in crafting the prose of the first paragraph, but then the payoff sentences were just rushed in at the last second. It reminds me of the reports I used to turn in in school, when I'd realize I hadn't written a closing paragraph just as the teacher was collecting the paper from the person right in front of me. "umm....And then she died. The end." Last edited by ApK; 05-13-2013 at 01:40 PM.