Dear Mister Answer,
I have read the advice you gave to Distressed, and I am shocked that you mention being a
strong man, but didn't say the most obvious!
Distressed - upgrade your wimpy drinking habits to the more transparent liquids. Instead of the size button you will be able to use the glass bottom for magnification.
Avoid ice cubes!!! They refract and will surely spoil your reading experience! If you really really must have it on the rocks, drive to the Museum of Modern Arts, it's not far from Virginia.
Skip the exhibitions (of course...) and go straight to the MoMaStore. There you will find a
spherical ice tray. Spherical ice doesn't distort the letters.
Yours truly,
Aleck Smart