Kewl :-) I didn't want to offend by giving you the impression I was trying to 'fix' it for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ravenlife
Prologue
A cool summer breeze drifts across the moonlit courtyard. He crosses the wide space heading for the darkened porch, pebbles crunching underfoot, and pauses before the battered door. He has never been here before, yet the place feels uncannily familiar, a home he never had. He pauses because he knows, somehow, that she will be waiting for him. Certainty grows that he will leave the moment his eyes meet hers, though he might want to stay. He glances at the stranger's reflection in the darkened glass, brushes an almost imperceptible speck of dust from his shirt, and turns the cold iron handle.
Stepping into the large open entrance hall is like plunging into the frozen waters of the arctic, the warm fragrant summer air replaced with a frigid and almost chemical atmosphere. His breath would mist, if he breathed.
The sound of glasses clinking is heard and ignored, for the echoes of bare footsteps above hold his attention. His eyes track the noise as he waits, silently.
She steps out onto the landing above the entrance hall, her long dress swishing slowly. She is slender, tall and other-worldly beautiful, with her unblemished skin a nacreous white against the black silk of her attire. He tears his eyes away from her body and slowly moves his gaze towards her face. Long shimmering black hair falls over her shoulders and down the sensual curves of her clavicle, long black lashes frame her vivid silver eyes. Those eyes - so loving, so familiar - lock onto his own. He tries desperately to speak, to ask...
His own helpless cry wakes him.
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I tried to tighten some of the description, and get rid of unnecessary explanation. The reader should be able to draw their own conclusions.
Let me know what you think?