My test library is 20,000 books, 6000 authors, 10,000 tags. On my Intel P5 2.6GHz, 4GB mem, 7200 rpm SATA drive, Win7 Pro/32, Calibre starts in under 7 seconds. Edit metadata (single, not changing author or title) completes in under 2 seconds. Searching from the tag browser is close to instantaneous. Change tag browser sort from name to popularity takes under 2 seconds. Not sure if these are the operations you are referring to.
Regarding corruption of the database: in 18 months I have never lost a database, other than when I purposely broke it to test the recovery mechanism. This is true even though I upgrade on a daily basis and use bleeding edge calibre versions that never see public use (and sometimes don't work).
My conclusion: given that your experience does not match that of several people who have very large libraries, there seems to be something odd about your configuration. Exactly what, I can't say. Any chance that you overclock? Is your library on a NAS? Have you tried defragging? (Some people have reported that defragging helped tremendously.)
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