If I was a chicken, this would be my fortune:
Originally Posted by happy_terd
Zodiacal Influence on Chicken Crossing Behaviour
ARIES (March 21 to April 19):
Chickens born under the sign of Aries are natural leaders possessing a pioneering determined spirit, who wish to make their mark on the world. They cross the road to assert themselves and seek action, daring and adventure.
But since I am a people, it is:
You'll be thrilled all the way down to your toenails this week when electrodes are planted in the appropriate pleasure centers of your brain.
(Source: The Onion
Gives me something to look forward to this week!