( I loved 26 !!!! )
These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
7.. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert,
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane20ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in
separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and
he was feeling better.
Stay away from hospitals !
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a
bench outside a nursing home when an old
Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying,
"We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."
The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said,
"Sure we can! - Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"