I think someone's confusing vampires with zombies.
Zombies are rotten and they stink, probably because they're DEAD!
Vampires probably don't stink; they probably aren't rotten, either. (Anyone have any definitive research on this?)
Zombies often fall apart
. It depends on how rotten they are. (Parts is parts!)
Zombies are like Educated Rednecks
- they're just good 'ol boys in search of brains!
Vampires are Educated and Boring
, sort of like a Professor - full of hot air and bombast. (You know who you are!) Vampires love to quote Derrida and that bag of stale, hot air - Michel Foucault. (They love French epistemology and Foucaultian Discourse Analysis.)
You can't trust a zombie, but you can sometimes trust a vampire
. A vampire may charm your Mother before killing her; but a zombie doesn't care about charm at all - he'll simply eat her brains and play with her intestines.
NEVER, NEVER let a zombie marry your sister
. A vampire, however, will wine and dine your sister - before relieving her of all her blood, of course. A vampire will also have a full-course dinner served to all relatives before he kills you. A zombie, on the other hand, has no table manners and makes a poor conversationalist.
Zombies live on the edge and have guts (perhaps yours).
Vampires are effete and effeminate (not that there's anything wrong with that)!
Let's not have this confusion happen again! Otherwise, I'll have to send Jacques
, my DEAD French
cat after someone!