Originally Posted by dadioflex
I knew you were going to say that. It reads more like the outline for a novel than a story in its own right. IMO. I skimmed it again and I'm pretty sure there are no actual characters to identify with in it. Don't take this the wrong way but it REALLY reminds me of the sort of story I would have written in school. No pesky characterization or dialogue to get in the way of the big events.
No offense taken. I like to play around with different writing styles, which is where the stylistic choices for "church" came from. So I suppose, in that respect, it was successful. Thank you for your honest estimations about it.