View Single Post
Old 03-24-2009, 04:08 AM   #6
Rick Osborne
Author, Web Geek
Rick Osborne began at the beginning.
 
Rick Osborne's Avatar
 
Posts: 4
Karma: 10
Join Date: Mar 2009
Device: none
Quote:
Originally Posted by erayd View Post
A few of the location descriptions aren't very detailed - you explain all about the people, but sometimes at the expense of the scenery
Yep, this is a known bug with the author. I found myself in a bit of a Catch-22: I've never actually been to any of those places, and yet I needed to write convincingly about them. I erred on the side of too little, thinking that the more I put in the bigger chance I had of screwing up some detail and ripping some Edinburgh/Barcelona/Paris native out of the story.

I keep meaning to go back and flesh it out some more, but then half of my brain screams "you want to make it LONGER?".

But, I appreciate the feedback. I agree 100%.

Quote:
Eddie, Teddy & Susie get left hanging, particularly Teddy. I'm assuming they are who the postcard went to, but that plot thread feels a little unresolved for me.
Yep. This will be fixed in the next revision. Xochitl will have a bit more internal dialogue about why she sends just the postcard and nothing else. It was clear in my head when I wrote it, but upon rereading it I can see that much of it is only lightly inferred -- probably too lightly.

Quote:
every time I thought I finally had a handle on what was going on, something would happen that changed all my predictions about how the book would end.
So be brutally honest with me here: was there too much chain-yanking? Did you feel cheated? Did it seem like I kept pulling an Agatha Christie and just dropping randomness on your head? I tried to drop enough hints along the way to make it seem like you could figure it out, but still keep you guessing.

Quote:
I think you need to rewrite your summary - it doesn't do the story justice, and contains jargon that may unnecessarily turn away less-technical readers.
Yep, another known bug. This is going to sound so dumb, but would you believe that the summary is the hardest thing to write? Especially with, as you said, so many twists and turns and reveals. I've been working towards:

Quote:
The Internet is a cocktail party. At least, that's how Xochitl Green sees it. Friends chat, interaction implies trust, and everyone is connected. Her idea is simple: take that interaction, that trust, and use it to keep everyone safe online. It's just a few weeks of coding, and it'll keep her busy, so why not? But online cliques and bouncers make things a little too difficult for Internet party crashers. They've got big plans, and want to return Xochitl's hospitality -- putting her on the run. But when all you know about the world is how it looks on your screen, what do you do? Where do you go? Who do you trust?
Better, yeah?

At any rate, thanks for taking the time to let me know what you think and especially what you saw as rough spots. It'll definitely help me improve the book!



-R
Rick Osborne is offline   Reply With Quote