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Old 02-22-2009, 11:05 PM   #14
desertgrandma
Enjoying the show....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DixieGal View Post

As a story, I think it would work much better as a short story. Lose all of the boring descriptions of every tree, path, and building. It screams "FILLER." Lose the gay sexual abuse sub-plot because it doesn't add a single thing to the plot. Instead, concentrate on his isolated existence in his fortress home, finding the dead man in the river, and the action throughout the rest of the book. I think it is a good idea and would have a good chance of selling, if it were tightened up.
I disagree. I thought the descriptions helped fill in what things might look like after a period of time..

The gay sexual abuse sub-plot does add to the story, because it describes how power is used. Power isn't always about shooting someone. Rape is a power trip from the git go. How did Bex keep his minions in control? By allowing them to do what they wanted...and he knew what they wanted.....he was a brilliant sociopath.

I wouldn't change anything.......except I wondered how these people would react if the same thing happened again, and their new leader was shot right off the bat........
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