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Old 02-20-2009, 07:58 AM   #4
Dr. Drib
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Posts: 29,094
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: San Borja (Lima), Peru
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Yes, what Harry is talking about is called a run-on sentence. It's very easy to fix: Just insert "as" before the word "he." [...as he stood up....]

Getting to the content/atmosphere/suspense:

I like your opening and the sense of aloneness and mystery that you portray. Your opening hooked me in about one page of reading.

Thank you!


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