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Old 02-20-2009, 04:11 AM   #3
HarryT
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Nicely written, but your punctuation needs some work. Take that last paragraph:

Quote:
He stood up then, news articles flying left and right, he wobbled over towards the officers.
It's definitely wrong to have two commas in there; I'd suggest either making the first one a semi-colon or an dash, or changing the second one to a full stop.

ie, either:

Quote:
He stood up then; news articles flying left and right, he wobbled over towards the officers.
or

Quote:
He stood up then, news articles flying left and right. He wobbled over towards the officers.
These two alternatives have quite different meanings, of course. You need to decide which one you prefer!
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