View Single Post
Old 02-20-2009, 03:11 AM   #3
HarryT
eBook Enthusiast
HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.HarryT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
HarryT's Avatar
 
Posts: 63,420
Karma: 41542799
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: UK
Device: PW2, iPad Retina Mini, iPhone 4, MS Surface Pro, Onyx T68, N7,
Nicely written, but your punctuation needs some work. Take that last paragraph:

Quote:
He stood up then, news articles flying left and right, he wobbled over towards the officers.
It's definitely wrong to have two commas in there; I'd suggest either making the first one a semi-colon or an dash, or changing the second one to a full stop.

ie, either:

Quote:
He stood up then; news articles flying left and right, he wobbled over towards the officers.
or

Quote:
He stood up then, news articles flying left and right. He wobbled over towards the officers.
These two alternatives have quite different meanings, of course. You need to decide which one you prefer!
HarryT is offline   Reply With Quote