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Old 07-09-2013, 06:33 AM   #1241
kennyc
The Dank Side of the Moon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caleb72 View Post
Liked the story, Kenny. I always like the way you set up contrasts to create an impact. This one is entirely unsubtle way before the end, but in flash fiction there's not a lot of space for subtlety.

There were a couple of corrections I thought:



I thought you might want punctuation between the two clauses.



The extra apostrophe?

I don't have any issue with the simplistic language as it fits the narrator perfectly. I could do with a couple less swear words as it might have gone a little overboard, but again, it fits.

Thanks Caleb!
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