Originally Posted by caleb72
Liked the story, Kenny. I always like the way you set up contrasts to create an impact. This one is entirely unsubtle way before the end, but in flash fiction there's not a lot of space for subtlety.
There were a couple of corrections I thought:
I thought you might want punctuation between the two clauses.
The extra apostrophe?
I don't have any issue with the simplistic language as it fits the narrator perfectly. I could do with a couple less swear words as it might have gone a little overboard, but again, it fits.