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Old 07-09-2013, 12:17 AM   #1239
caleb72
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Liked the story, Kenny. I always like the way you set up contrasts to create an impact. This one is entirely unsubtle way before the end, but in flash fiction there's not a lot of space for subtlety.

There were a couple of corrections I thought:

Quote:
Hell this is nineteen fuckin’ sixty-nine you’d think they’d freeze dry all this shit.
I thought you might want punctuation between the two clauses.

Quote:
I couldn’t’ tell
The extra apostrophe?

I don't have any issue with the simplistic language as it fits the narrator perfectly. I could do with a couple less swear words as it might have gone a little overboard, but again, it fits.
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