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Old 05-14-2013, 04:04 PM   #9
ApK
What did you call me?
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeccaPrice View Post

On #2, you can omit the first sentence, and say that "Jamie Thompson has been the perfect daughter..." You also don't need to define that she was looking for an accounting job, if it fell through, unless her being good at accounting is part of the plot. "when a promised job falls through, Jamie..."

also, since it's clear that she's not going home, does it matter how many miles from home she is?

just off the top of my head reactions. I'm not great at writing blurbs, myself.
I agree with those suggestions.
If those details are not communicating something that makes the reader want to buy the book, why are they in the blurb? It certainly doesn't FEEL like they are communicating something important to me.

If they ARE supposed to be communicating something to me, then they aren't working.

Maybe you do want to show the white collar accounting job she expected
sharply contrasted to the blue collar waitress job she got. That makes sense if you're trying to communicate the fish-out-of-water element. But as it is, that association is not strong enough.
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