The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
Lit up by the fire, flames circled his laptop,
And sizzled each time spam burst with a pop!
Sure enough, thick clouds of fragrant smoke were billowing from the corner. Without hesitating, Mr. Jellby
picked up the punch bowl and hurled its contents onto the flames!
As everyone coughed and wiped their streaming eyes, Jellby
made another check mark on his clipboard "No pesky analysis of that punch now. Another tragic holiday accident."
entered the room carrying a large bottle, took one look at the corner and pronounced "I'm not cleaning THAT up! No way! You don't pay me enough!" and marched back into the kitchen.
THAT was Dr. Drib
, smoldering in his chair, clutching his laptop still, and very, very dead! And now covered in green slimy punch.
sank to the floor, overwhelmed by yet another Christmas casualty! Could this really be happening? Or was it a hideous nightmare from which she couldn't awaken?
"Oh my, oh my, oh my" murmured Mr. Jellby
, making rapid checkmarks on his clipboard. "Smoking is such an unhealthy habit! And to smoke a pipe whilst sitting in a comfy chair next to the fireplace - where you're guaranteed to nod off ..... why it's like smoking in bed and paying the price! Yet one more tragic holiday accident! Tsk!"
"Did he drink the punch?" asked Nate the great
? "What do you think? Was he dead before he went up in flames?"
was bending over the corpse and sharply exclaimed "Accident my foot. Dr. Drib
was murdered! Look! There's a big hole in the back of his head! And shaped just like a hammer ...."
, where did you put the hammer you used to hang up the stockings?" asked DaleDe
"I put it down on the mantelpiece .... right here ....." replied dreams
. "But, but, but .... it's gone! I swear I left it right here! Someone must have found it and used it to .... *sob* hurt Dr. Drib
examined the body alongside WT Sharpe
"When he was struck, his pipe must have fallen out of his mouth .... onto his sweater ... setting it on fire. The murderer shoved the pipe back into his mouth! What a cold, calculating monster!"
"Remember all those jokes we used to make about Dr. Drib
? How much he loved to zap those spammers?" asked Nate. "What did you call it dreams
? Dr. Drib
using his 'spam hammer' to splat those spammy posts?"
"Why?" sobbed dreams
"Why is this happening? Who could hate us this much?"
"And why is everyone staring at me? I didn't do it! I'm the nice moderator! I like everyone! Everybody loves me! I'm being framed! I was just teasing you guys! I didn't mean it! "
stepped forward and draped a rug over the smoking remains "Well, he's dead .... we don't need to continue staring at him." "And dreams
, no one is accusing you .... yet. We need to gather the evidence ... if we can find any ... and figure out what is going on here tonight."
"You've read all the classic mystery novels, HarryT
! What do we do now?" asked Alex
"Well, for safety, we should all stick together. No one should ever be allowed to be on their own for the rest of the night." replied HarryT
. "Of course, this will also allow us to keep an eye on each other. Obviously, one of us is the murderer!"
uttered these ominous words, all heads swiveled towards dreams
, who shrieked and tried to run from the room.
"Not so fast dreams
" exclaimed WT Sharpe
, who stopped her from accidentally running into the fireplace. "Be careful! You almost committed accidental suicide by fireplace! You can't escape suspicion that way!"
"Everybody -- sit down now - we have to make plans if we're to survive tonight!" shouted Alex
*ahem* "Excuse me Mr. Alex
.... we have to return to the home office ... you will need to sign some additional forms for these new ..... *ahem* losses. All completely covered by your Accident
Policy." Mr. Jellby
interrupted, glaring at the others, daring anyone to disagree with his continued insistence on multiple (yet regrettable) accidental deaths.
"And I must go to the library! I just have to get these typos corrected before tonight's reading!" declared HarryT
. "Our holiday must go on -- in honor of our fallen comrades."
"And I have to clean up my Wiki
-Blocks" wailed DaleDe
. "They've got green slime all over them."
Nate the great
said nothing. He was busy trying to sneak some of Santa's cookies from the plate next to the glass of milk.
stared around him. "Are you all crazy? We're fighting for our lives! No one is safe! No one is above suspicion!"
[End of Episode 7]