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Old 12-13-2012, 06:05 PM   #21
mr ploppy
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Yorkshire, tha noz
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You repeat chained to the wall naked within a couple of sentences, and you have her laying in her own filth when she's chained upright. And her hair wouldn't smell of urine unless she was upside down.

"Show don't tell" was the most useful thing someone taught me.

(The girl stood in the darkness naked)

She shivered in the darkness (from a draught blowing across something that would be covered if she wasn't naked?).

That sort of thing. Get inside her head and describe what you feel, not what's happening to you.
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