"Right now, it does not do a single thing that I use my laptop for, and much much less than what I use my iOS and Android tablet for."
My sentiments exactly
My Mac laptops were always cumbersome overkill for my mobile computing activities( web surfing,watching occasional video and casual reading/studying)
and the REAL PRODUCTION WORK
I need to do on my Macs were not practical for the road such as long 3D animation render& video compositing and other VFX stuff where the computer needs to just sit and process frames for several hours at a time.
Hence the tablet craze with a "mobile OS"( IOS/Android).
Bigger than a smart phone for my aging 49 year old, bifocal assisted eyes.
but much smaller & lighter than my cumbersome laptop.
This $900 dollar surface does not fit my scaled down tablet needs nor would it suffice as a true windows laptop for the processor intensive CG work That I Do.