The end of the world
God is sitting up in heaven, and He's pissed. Several thousand years and a Great Flood, and humanity still hasn't learned anything. So He decides to end the world, again. But two weeks before he will do so, he tells the three most important men on Earth that he'll do so. The three he chooses to tell are George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Bill Gates.
Bush addresses a joint emergency session of Congress. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have good news and bad news. The good news is there is a God. I spoke to Him. The bad news is He's pissed and he's going to destroy the world in two weeks!"
Putin addresses an emergency session of the Russian Parliament. "Comrades! I have bad news, and I have worse news! The bad news is that the Western Imperialists were right!. There is a God. He spoke to me! The worse news is that he's pissed, and he's going to destroy the world in two weeks!"
Gates addresses a special meeting of Microsoft's Board of Directors. "Gentlemen! I have great news, and I have wonderful news! The great news is there there is a God! He spoke to me, and he thinks I'm one of the three most important men on Earth! The wonderful news is that we don't have to fix any more bugs in Windows!"