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Old 10-13-2012, 12:04 AM   #2
frahse
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Posts: 1,652
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wandering God's glorious hills, valleys and plains.
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Jamesabernathyth

First I love trains so I am predisposed to like this.
Second, I think you are aiming this for the less than 12 set,
but your language is sometimes too adult.

Keep your framework, but work on the language and the expressions.
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