Thanks for the links! Kessel's essay is especially lucid, though I don't agree with every point nor even your concern over Ender's morality. And, wow, Kessel dissects thoroughly.
Stepping back for a moment, Ender saved the human race. We'll never know if it was the only way to do that. Later dialog with the queen bugger do not make it clear to me there ever was another way. Yes, Card goes to extreme lengths to generate sympathy for him. But at the same time he is indeed popularly known as the "Xenocide" later in history. I think Card gives enough balance in that description, how he becomes a pariah, a bogeyman, to say Card agrees intentions are not the end-all and be-all of morality.
You've got every right to control what your children read but I don't agree this series is so damaging on a moral level. Can't speak to Card's real-life phobias as I haven't studied the man's writing or interviews outside of his fiction. If homophobia or apologizing for Hitler show up in his fiction then it is too subtle or derivative for me to detect.