So you got your ipod and loaded iTunes on your computer. Well the first thing you may want to do is develop some weapons of mass destruction. But hold on one second. Did you read the Licensing Agreement the whole way through, or did you just click on Accept. It clearly states in Section 10 Export control that:

You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture, or production of nuclear missiles or chemical or biological weapons.

I have a Zune so I think that it may be okay for me to develop away.

Attached is a screen shot of Section 10.

curses !!! foiled again !! the only reason i installed itunes, is because i heard how well it works for developping weapons of mass destruction (i'm going to aim them at the SHUMSWRISOMKW.*)


*shrieking hordes of unwashed minions of satan who regularly invade the schoolyard outside my kitchen window, yo. keep up.

Even if some unscrupulous individual dares to try and develop Weapons of Mass Destruction for their iPod these weapons will be DRM'd so they can not be shared on the dark net. Some may whine and complain but in this case I think that DRM is a good thing.

you may be right about that...

however let us not forget, in some exceptional cases, WMD can also be used for the powers of Good. for example, against the SHUMS.

my theory is that the most effective way of eradicating the SHUMS would be to turn their own weapons against them (because i really can't imagine anything more devastating than that). to that end i've made a sample recording (using the pathetically inadequate dictaphone function of my mp3 player, which is not an ipod, by holding it up to the window). i feel confident that if i only had a better recorder, the result could easily be weaponized. the sample is pretty close with no further treatment at all. in fact the chinese may already have managed it, so we'd better hurry, because you know if they have it, we better have it as well.

since you have a zune and can therefore develop away, i'm uploading my sample recording here (zipped, because mp3 is not a legal file-type for attachments, and once you've listened to this you'll understand why). best "appreciated" through headphones and with the volume on 11 to fully replicate the original in-house experience.

please take maximum precautions when manipulating the sample, as i cannot be held responsible for any mass destruction that may result.

NB : the sample is in mono, which is all my little dictaphone can manage, and this may be why it won't play in Media Player Classic (i don't actually know. i'm not a sound engineer, y'all). it will play in itunes however, lending further credence to the notion that itunes can be used for purposes of weaponisation, if you can just find a loophold in the licencing agreement.

you may be right about that...

however let us not forget, in some exceptional cases, WMD can also be used for the powers of Good. for example, against the SHUMS.

my theory is that the most effective way of eradicating the SHUMS would be to turn their own weapons against them (because i really can't imagine anything more devastating than that). to that end i've made a sample recording (using the pathetically inadequate dictaphone function of my mp3 player, which is not an ipod, by holding it up to the window). i feel confident that if i only had a better recorder, the result could easily be weaponized. the sample is pretty close with no further treatment at all. in fact the chinese may already have managed it, so we'd better hurry, because you know if they have it, we better have it as well.

since you have a zune and can therefore develop away, i'm uploading my sample recording here (zipped, because mp3 is not a legal file-type for attachments, and once you've listened to this you'll understand why). best "appreciated" through headphones and with the volume on 11 to fully replicate the original in-house experience.

please take maximum precautions when manipulating the sample, as i cannot be held responsible for any mass destruction that may result.

NB : the sample is in mono, which is all my little dictaphone can manage, and this may be why it won't play in Media Player Classic (i don't actually know. i'm not a sound engineer, y'all). it will play in itunes however, lending further credence to the notion that itunes can be used for purposes of weaponisation, if you can just find a loophold in the licencing agreement.

Well that was awesome. I even played it backwards with some startling results. Perhaps my hearing is going bad but I swear I heard someone singing "Paul is Dead Goo Goo Ga Joob" later I think I heard the secret formula for Coca-Cola. I give it two thumbs up! Forward or backwards it is going to be a massive hit. It will probably win Eurovison 2009.

sorry, actually i forgot to mention that. when you play if backwards you actually hear "Paul est mort" (these are french shums).

brilliant idea by the way, just think of the implications if we could take out the shums AND eurovision in one fell swoop !!!!

Thank you for sharing, ZP. The melody is so moving it almost brings tears to my eyes. You are so blessed. And wasn't that Gilles Chabanat on the hurdy-gurdy in the background? Fascinating.

i know what you mean. it brings tears to my eyes on a regular basis too. sadly, you can't really appreciate the full scope from the sample. imagine those 2 minutes and 47 seconds on infinite repeat, approximately eleventy thousand times louder, and somewhat more varied. they actually were pretty calm during the 3 minutes i stood there with my arm in the air ; i suspect that possibly half of them are home sick today.

for my next sample, i'll try to record the bell that signals the changing of the shifts, when they send out a fresh batch of minions. it's quite apocalyptic.

Does anyone know if I can sign up for the next Hurdy Gurdy workshop with Gilles Chabenat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lgi2XnS84w

I think I was born to be a Hurdy Gurdler!

Madame B, from what i know of you, i suspect you would make Chabenat himself proud, if you were to become a hurdy-gurdler.

Does anyone know if I can sign up for the next Hurdy Gurdy workshop with Gilles Chabenat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lgi2XnS84w

I think I was born to be a Hurdy Gurdler!

You have to be a real wanker to hurdle your gurdle.

Vival

Those were not tears of joy nor of sadness. Zelda has perfected the WMD in itunes to produce tear gas via speakers.

Zelda

You are in violation of your itune agreement. you did not DRM your tear gas music.

Mark

sssssh, Mark, sheesh, i won't be able to complete my field testing if you give away my secret...

Oh, thanks! Now we're all on a watch list of some sort. I have a hard enough time enduring airports as it is.

it's okay, we'll just get jswolf to come in and retroactively replace all dangerous letters by asterisks.

OMG!!! I mean, I love children, but those aren't children. And to prove they ae unwashed minions, the visualization on Media Player was this ugly, jagged mess of orange, purple, and atomic-waste-green lightning bolts.

That sound made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and fall out!

Oh, thanks! Now we're all on a watch list of some sort. I have a hard enough time enduring airports as it is.

Next time, TSA will use the brown ones on you.

OMG!!! I mean, I love children, but those aren't children. And to prove they ae unwashed minions, the visualization on Media Player was this ugly, jagged mess of orange, purple, and atomic-waste-green lightning bolts.

That sound made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and fall out!

further proof that no further intervention is necessary to weaponize the SHUMS.

Why do the French bother with an independent nuclear deterrent when they've got those shums?

an excellent question, patricia, and one that bears examining.

I'm having a hellish nightmare of a week at work. I think I'll put in my earplugs and play that thing a few times. That ought to keep people out of my office!

not only out of your office, it will probably drive them out of their minds. just make sure the earplugs are in good and tight before you set it off.

not only out of your office, it will probably drive them out of their minds. just make sure the earplugs are in good and tight before you set it off.

I think detonate is the proper verb for that sound...

Seriously however, that's the sort of thing that daily repetition will have you obeying the dog's orders to do bad things. Can you move your office to a room on the opposite side of the house or something? And I assume your rainy season is over, since the unwashed minions were sent outdoors to rain down doom on the populace?

Room? House? Zee lives in Paris. There are no houses.

In the meanwhile, having finally played your recording... I can't even think of a joke. I can't even stand it when the dishwasher is running upstairs. What you've got to endure, that's a good definition of hell.

now, don't exagerrate ; there *are* some houses in Paris (i even have a friend who lives in one), just not very many. and i don't happen to live in one.

i do have a list of the vital criteria for my next appartment (when someday i muster the courage to try moving), and at the top is NO SCHOOLS IN THE VICINITY. also, preferably all the neighbors will be old people (they don't usually make much noise). in the meantime, i have my anti-noise dispositif, which i am actually planning to upgrade really really soon.

as for what the sample might be a defition of... well, i didn't make those id3 tags up for nothing, you know.

If you can find and eradicate the one or two who are such SCREAMERS you might be left with a tolerable dull roar.

On the other hand, perhaps we should volunteer a posse of us to come and help you move.

now, don't exagerrate ; there *are* some houses in Paris (i even have a friend who lives in one), just not very many. and i don't happen to live in one.

i do have a list of the vital criteria for my next appartment (when someday i muster the courage to try moving), and at the top is NO SCHOOLS IN THE VICINITY. also, preferably all the neighbors will be old people (they don't usually make much noise). in the meantime, i have my anti-noise dispositif, which i am actually planning to upgrade really really soon.

as for what the sample might be a defition of... well, i didn't make those id3 tags up for nothing, you know.

Make sure they aren't too old or they'll die off and young couples (with kids) will move. I speak from experience.

Make sure they aren't too old or they'll die off and young couples (with kids) will move. I speak from experience.

My neighborhood is like that also. And the new people like to cut down 70 year old giant magnolia trees and plant those overused Bradford pear trees and commit crepe murder.

If you can find and eradicate the one or two who are such SCREAMERS you might be left with a tolerable dull roar.


See, I don't believe that. As soon as you have maybe 5 of the critters together the wall-of-sound effect is there. You can however get the same effect with less children if you feed them enough sugar.

I swear I hear a lifeguard whistle in there repeatedly also. So either the shums have whistles, or there is a deaf adult responsible for keeping them in the pen by blowing a whistle at them.

also, preferably all the neighbors will be old people (they don't usually make much noise).

Actually, I think that career couples who only have one kid are the best neighbours. They tend to be on their own a lot and kids need a quorum of more than one before they start making noise (unless there are malicious, sadistic & uncaring grandparents who want to punish you for things gone wrong during your upbringing by giving noisy toys - like :drummer:). Also, with a kid in the house they're less likely to have parties at their appartment.

On the other hand, with elder people there's the constant danger of being hijacked and having to listen to tales about their various illnesses and operations and how things used to be better and how spoiled we are etc etc

My neighborhood is like that also. And the new people like to cut down 70 year old giant magnolia trees and plant those overused Bradford pear trees and commit crepe murder.


Crepe murder??? I don't understand. Is this an insane dislike of pancakes, or what?

Crepe murder??? I don't understand. Is this an insane dislike of pancakes, or what?

Crepe murder is when you take a beautiful old flowering crepe myrtle (they grow big) and prune it back to the bare trunk, leaving only little patches of flowers. People say they do it because the trunks are so pretty. Which they are, except it ruins the natural shape of the tree. Very common treeicide procedure down here.

Crepe murder sounds most cruel.

Do you think the SHUMS could be driven away by some sort of foul smell? Like a stink bomb or a rotting corpse? Or do their unwashed bodies smell so foul that they wouldn't even notice?

Thanks for the explanation, Dixie Gal.
Some people have no sense of the fitness of things.

Crepe murder??? I don't understand. Is this an insane dislike of pancakes, or what?

:rofl:

Just for ZP:

Just for ZP:

don't give me any ideas.

i should mention though, i'm working in a client's office this week and next, so despite having to share an office the noise level is significantly lower. aaaaaaah... :smiley:

i should mention though, i'm working in a client's office this week and next, so despite having to share an office the noise level is significantly lower. aaaaaaah... :smiley:

Well, I hope you brought your mp3 of The SHUMS. Just put in a loop you so you can listen to it all day and it'll feel like you're home.

Okay, that was just too doggone cruel. I take it back. I wish you a week of peace, Queen Zee.

Well, I hope you brought your mp3 of The SHUMS. Just put in a loop you so you can listen to it all day and it'll feel like you're home.

Okay, that was just too doggone cruel. I take it back. I wish you a week of peace, Queen Zee.

heh... actually, i am listening to ok computer on the same mp3 player i used to record the shums to begin with, so actually i DO have it with me (because i didn't erase it, for some incomprehensible reason). you just TRY and make me listen to it. (seriously, try. i dare you. just watch out. it's amazing how adrenaline can give you super-strength and speed when menaced by a weapon like the prospect of the Shums.)

Actually I think that would make a pleasant background music.

For a haunted house

Actually I think that would make a pleasant background music.

For a haunted house



So true! :rofl:

Actually I think that would make a pleasant background music.

For a haunted house

...or a horror film. you know, in the scene where 3000 children are being flayed alive.

Just say the word if you need some ground saluts or higher calibre explosives.

well i don't know what ground saluts are but higher calibre explosives could come in handy (by god, if i can't move away from the school, i'll move the school faaaar away from me !! with DYNAMITE !!!!).

Ground salutes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salute_(pyrotechnics)) are really big firecrackers.

ah, fire with fire, i like it !! :evil grin: